Do you want to end your relationship in a mindful and compassionate way that honors what the two of you once shared?
Maybe you want to avoid a messy and expensive divorce and move forward with peace rather than bitterness and resentment. It might be that you want to break a pattern of volatile breakups so you can stop repeating patterns and problems in future relationships. And, if you share children, it may be important for you to model healthy uncoupling and show your kids that both their parents are supportive of them and each other.
If you and your spouse or partner have made the decision to end your intimate relationship, conscious uncoupling counseling offers a way to honor what you shared. Rather than argue, blame, shame and/or feel resentful or guilty, you can work together to develop increased compassion and a better understanding of your ex-partner and yourself, with both of you feeling as good as possible moving into the next chapters of your life.
Conscious Uncoupling Helps Alleviate Stress & Strengthen Understanding
Break-ups are challenging and painful, even when both parties agree that the ending of the relationship is in the best interest of all. Even if we want to separate with love and care, as humans, we’re often married to the stories we carry about how and why the relationship ended, which can create feelings of shame, blame, guilt, frustration and grief. Within the stress that inevitably comes with ending an intimate partnership, you may be having a hard time really seeing, hearing and understanding each other, despite your best efforts to.
And, trying to navigate common separation issues, such as the dividing of assets, living arrangements, mutual friendships, money issues and children—if you share any—adds more layers of stress to the emotional load that you’re likely already carrying.
If you’ve landed on this page, you’ve likely heard something about conscious uncoupling, a term now widely used to describe a way to end an intimate partnership in a way that feels healthy and respectful. However, even with the best intentions, doing such can be difficult, which is why working with an experienced couples therapist can help you complete this relationship with as much respect, love, compassion and care as possible.
As a seasoned, practical and compassionate marriage and couples therapist, I can help you improve communication, increase compassion, develop realistic solutions, and come to agreements that work for you both during this difficult time.
My Approach To Conscious Uncoupling Therapy
A primary focus in conscious uncoupling therapy is to help you come to an understanding of what happened within the relationship (both the good and the no-so-good), where you are now, and how you both want to part. So often when couples reach this place, feelings of resentment, blame, shame, guilt and anger are present—even if we don’t want them to be.
While looking to the past can be helpful, and perhaps even necessary, the work that I do helps you both understand that what happened happened and that it couldn’t have happened any other way than it did—such is the nature of life. Once this understanding and acceptance is reached, unpleasant emotions often subside, which frees up the emotional bandwidth and mental energy to focus on where you are right now and begin making plans for the future that feels good for you both.
Communication is of the utmost importance right now, and in sessions, I’ll help guide you through issues that may feel heated and need resolution. We’ll work on leading with curiosity as we delve into each person’s experience, ideally coming to a place of understanding, validation, and even empathy.
We can also address pressing issues, such as living arrangements, finances, children (if you share any), how to thoughtfully share news of the separation with friends, family and community, and anything else that is coming up in your particular situation. We’ll also address mutual goals while simultaneously identifying and employing your strengths. Very often what worked well in the relationship also works well in the uncoupling process. Together, I can help you find ways to not just compromise, but to develop creative solutions that work for you both.
In each session, we’ll be in the present moment, delving into what is arising for you both that day and the issues that require the most attention. We’re constantly shifting, changing and moving—both as individuals and in relationships. The intent of conscious uncoupling counseling and the positive, albeit often difficult work that you’ll both be undertaking individually and collectively outside of sessions, is to honor what you shared and heal in and through this process.
You Can Uncouple With Care, Respect & Increased Ease
I’ve been working with couples for a very long time now and know that when both parties are willing to separate with care, respect and reverence, everyone comes out of the experience feeling much better than had they held onto anger, resentment and blame, shame and fear. You loved each other very much once, and you can part ways remembering that love and in genuine kindness.
If you’re interested in learning more about conscious uncoupling counseling and my practice, please contact me to schedule a free consultation. I’m interested in hearing about your current situation, as well as your needs and goals, and am happy to discuss how I can help you transition with the most care, respect and ease.
For more information on how I work with couples, you can visit my couples therapy page.